Thursday, July 23, 2009

Bring it on home...

Hey everybody it's Harrison. So I know a lot of people have been asking me to write something and my silence may seem inappropriate to some. But now it is time for action so I can not stutter anymore. I've never been an internet person. No myspace or facebook, shudder at twitter and made fun of bloggers. Well boy was I dead wrong and seeing the value that the internet has had, in manifesting actual care and love, was astounding. I have tried to think of what to write just about every day... it plagues me. It drove me to a bad place for a while, well there were a lot of things that drove me there. As to be expected due to the reality of the situation upon our return. The whole time I was trying to stay strong for Hollis I was also crumbling and terribly sick with parasites I brought back. I lost 20 pounds and started generally being wretchedly unhealthy to myself all around. If a part of Hollis may have died, that remains to be seen. But I definitely felt partially dead. At the last minute I went to Venice with the 'Swimming Cities of Serenissima' boat project... there I found life again. I learned to genuinely smile and have fun, things I literally never thought I would do in full again. I have a list of thanks to those who went above and beyond to get us back and dive into Hollis's care and recovery ... and then to revive me. Soon, I want to actually write out and post on this blog and send letters and hugs and art and new found smiles to all who helped and pushed with all their might. The biggest thanks of all goes to Diane. There aren't many people in the world like Diane. I did learn a new found strength that I didn't know I possessed. None of that strength holds a candle to the strength that Diane has shown. That said it is time to get Diane home. There can not be two casualties from this one accident. I myself know that I nearly dodged a bullet and pulled myself out with the amazing help of my loved ones and it is time to show Diane, our loved one, that our hands are far reaching. Let's carry our wounded bird and her mother home to Nashville, Tennessee. What do we need to do to make this happen? All the momentum that was there when we were in India and just getting back is still pulsing in remission and I hope this call out gets passed around on the Facebooks and email lists etc. this is not a call to close this chapter of our lives and move on, we are with Hollis in person and our thoughts and hearts but Diane deserves the shattered remains of her life and love back. It's like a bomb was dropped on her life and it is time to rebuild and get her back to her husband who misses her immensely. This is all so intense and fucked up and the news isn't good and the light at the end of the tunnel is dim. I understand everyone wants updates but the truth is is that she has plateaued in a terrible place with some small steps forward and other steps back. Tragedy is a fact of life. What we have to do now is make the best of it. The best situation is for our beloved friend who is a tragic abbreviated version of herself to go back into her mothers arms and life adjusts. So let's make this happen as quickly and painlessly as possible. The doctors say the tracheotomy could be taken out if needed. We need to get doctors onboard and write and call Nashville politicians and agencies. We need to get her on TennCare and we need to find a caretaking facility that isn't going to let her choke to death on her own vomit. The money is there but we know that this is a long haul we are looking at. I told Diane that when the money runs out we will make more but the step by step of exactly how to get her home and where she will go and who will care for her are things that we need all of our hands on. Now. Start making phone calls, writing e-mails and researching. Producing the magical contacts that poured in when we were trying to get back to the states. St. Lukes has been amazing but Diane can not live in that hospital room anymore. We will see Hollis... she is in the center of the country and Diane has assured me that anyone can go visit her. I am personally trying to save a lot of my energy for when she is doing better and entering a more outward step of her healing, as opposed to the more internal healing that she needs to do right now. I am by no means leaving her side for any of it. I can not begin to explain to you what it is like for me to see a person that I love so much in the state she is in. I'm there, I'm visiting, but it hurts far more than is sustainable and healthy to spend as much time as I thought I would. My update is simple... I'm okay now, Hollis isn't, neither is Diane and we need to get them home. The thought of Hollis going back to Tennessee away from her friends and community that she has built for herself as an artist, lover and a fighter, was once too painful to even mention. Then my second day in Italy, during some deep crying screaming fit therapy with some of my dearest friends on this planet, I realized that she has to go home and it's okay. It doesn't mean I did a bad job, we did the best we could possibly do but her mother needs to start to live again. Sorry for the harsh tone of this post but it reflect the harshness and the reality of the situation.
Love you guys. -Harrison


  1. Thank you Harrison. My heart is open for all of you. Much love and warmth. Many blessings.

  2. My heart goes out to you, Harrison. Thanks very much for the update. Although it isn't the best of news, it is very good to hear from you.

  3. We love you Harrison. Thanks for posting. I'll be praying for the process for everyone involved, and will see what I can do in the physical world as well.

  4. P.S. Something that I think really speeded up the process at the beginning of everything was that people knew exact things that they could do to help. Specifics being named helps a lot when people want to do something. I've learned that here from you guys. So please be specific in what we all can do to help, or ask of people we know. . .

  5. Diane called me a few hours ago to say that Hollis spoke today. She said, "I love you Mom, I love you." Harri she might not be in Tennesee but she is HERE! Now we know!! To everyone who has been holding hands around Hollis I am sending out my tightest hug and all my love!!!
    Karen (Harrison's mom)

  6. if you could post this for me too....on the friends side...not on
    Diane's blog....

    this group got Harrison back to SF
    and unfortunately Diane and Holli
    are Visitors here in this current Scenario
    and need the exact replication of effort that
    flew them all here in the beginning....
    Holli and Diane need help getting where
    they belong (HOME) in this current reality.....

  7. Harrison, You hold a very special place in my heart. When you walked in with Alea I had no idea that you were this Harrison, and there I was asking about beautiful Hollis. Your openess and honesty, and love was so amazing. I wish you had spent more time with us. And know that you are always welcome in our home. I want you to know that my heart is with you and Hollis, and all who love her every day, every step. Sending you love... Cyndi