I will try to recount this tale as accurately as possible. I may mix up the order, but the details are what's important.
As you may have heard, Hollis spoke the words, "I love you, Mom." two days ago.
Everywhere I went people were telling me they heard the great news and started crying.
I was so amazed at how many people in my immediate day had connections to Hollis. I was also blown away by the quickness that spread by word of telephone. Mine was shut off, and within hours I was getting facebook messages and people in the streets already knew. Wow!?!
I had to see what all the commotion was about.
I go into the room and it is very bare. All the decorations have been sent home for her transition. But spirits are high and Karen and Diane are catching up.
I'll just get straight to the point.
I get up in her face, show her some photos J.Crush had brought, of us performing at the Roller Derby halftime. I described each scene and what part of the dance we were doing. Sometimes I would count it out the way we do at practice so she would know exactly where in the song the picture was taken. I showed her some of the new Derailleurs. I told her to notice how synchronized we were. The pictures were amazing! She took them in with intent curiosity.
I told her about my life and my woes and what's going on in my life.
Then I got up in her face and went over circular breathing, through the nose and out the mouth. I told her about how the first breath fills the chest, the second down to the diaphragm, and the third one under the belly button. I lead her in some breathing exercises, telling her the benefits of increasing the lung capacity and expelling stored grief (Chinese med.). I told her to bring it to her crown and down into her toes. Down the leg that doesn't move especially. Her right knee twitched with awareness, her toes wiggled just a little. Not even imagining it. I told her I felt it and she did it again.
Then I asked her for a high five and her tense ol' right arm started moving, slowly, in abeyance! In place of the left one. Awesome.
I then proceeded to put pressure on her arm to bring it down to neutral. I let her know the muscles she was tensing and I asked her if it pinched and she said, "Yeah." then "I'm getting better." Yes. She said that! (omg) Diane's eyes bugged out of her head!
Then we got her arm down and I told her to relax it. She was moving her fingers and wrists. A few times of being interrupted with medicine, she tensed up again and I told her that she should relax her arm again. The second time she did it with barely any resistance.
I snuggled up on the bed and put her hands on my stomach to feel me inhale and see how it felt when I breathed into my stomach. Then I put her hands on her belly and showed her where to breathe. I felt her middle wiggle and the muscles contract. She was getting it. I told her about how good it feels to push oxygen into the dark corners of her body, makes it tingle, and she said, "uh huh." Diane and I had our heads right within ear range because shortly she was muttering very differently sounding things all in a row under her breath. We would exchange glances to see if each other got that, but we both mirrored each other. Ok, keep her on the line.
She quieted and Diane went to catch the last call for hospital food. I was talking to her, trying to tell her stuff she might respond to, curled up in her arms on the bed.
She started talking a bunch. Whole sentences. Couldn't get much. Diane came back. Bless her heart, moms can understand the language of their own, before anyone can decipher it. She spends so much time with her, they are intertwined.
I heard, "I don't know..." and her Diane so helpfully asked her, "Did you just say you don't know what happened?"
I then asked her if she remembers going to India and that she had a motorcycle accident. She repeated the word, "Motorcycle." I asked her if she remembers being afraid of the motorcycle before she went. She said, "Yeah."
Diane told her that she had been sleeping for 5 months. Shortly after she began to cry.
This was a new cry. A cry of congniscience and awareness of her situation. It was a deep, meaningful, relief cry. A "Tear-through-the-paper" cry. She was aware of the situation and she was letting the sad parts release into the atmosphere in a cold rip of reality. After she released, I told her about how in Craniosacral therapy, one of the ten signs of release is crying, called a somato-emotional response. I asked her if she remembered me telling her this when I came home from my weekend retreats, learning the stuff. She said, "Yeah." I told her about how that means she is getting better and things will be getting easier. To change the subject, I asked her if she might consider choreographing a marionette dance, relaying and releasing the feelings she had with the wires and tubes connected to her. She said, "yeah." Then I asked her what the first food she would eat will be. Ice cream, salad, coconut milk..." She started crying! I think she is so ready for some coconut water! (Fresh styles.) We let her expell the sadness of not being able to eat. Then assured her that there is so many good things to look forward to. We let her know that whenever she felt sadness, no matter who is in the room, she should let go of it. She started hackin up some mucous, and I told her that this was another one of the ten signs and that she is making more room in her lungs for happiness and expelling grief. She stared saying a few more things that we couldn't catch.
At this point it gets hazy because I am lost in space-time because of a dream I had and wrote about previosly. Time passes and I ask her politely to repeat what she said. Sometimes she would, sometimes she was on to something else.
She brought up the word "dream" in one of her sentences.
You know my ears perked up to that one. I told her that she has not only been communicating with me in dreams, but also more people than just me. She was into the subject. She repeated it again. I can't even imagine what she has been dreaming.
That reminds me:
If I you have had a dream with Hollis in it: WRITE IT UP!
I want her to have a log as well as I think it is a valuable medicine for her.
As well as a study of parapsychology.
Ok. It's late, I am missing out on some details.
I will fill in more when I remember them. I just thought you would want to know.
Thank you for caring and contiually showing your support for this woman who knows she has power deep inside and when she doesn't have any, she has us.